like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
