My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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