is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we should paint friendship bongs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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