I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
