Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
