Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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