the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
