Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize