apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
