Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
