I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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