The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My vagina just clenched in fear
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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