He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize