If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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