Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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