i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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