She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
