Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
