Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
