Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
