i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
