So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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