sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
