I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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