well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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