He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
