ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
