Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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