He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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