yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize