Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
