I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
