??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
