Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
