She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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