my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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