how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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