The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
