im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
