my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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