It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
