It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
