I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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