we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
