Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
