You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
