I need help removing her.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
