The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
