U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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