Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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