Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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