she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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