Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
