I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
