Apparently you make a good broom.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize