I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
