Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
