My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
