i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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