First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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