You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
