Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
