I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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