You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My vagina just recognized that song.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
