what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
