Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
