There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
