Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
