I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So much Jack, so little girl.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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