I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
