i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
