Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
