dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
