And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
