we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
